Sid's Scribble

Walk, jog, buy a cycle and bicycle!

2008-12-07T06:54:00.001-08:00

November 30th, 2008
The People's Plaza
Hyderabad

It is the morning of the Hyderabad 10K Run. Huge crowds cheering the participants who have come from all walks of life and most of whom surely don't have the experience of running long distances.

Delayed by an hour, the 10K run was flagged off and off we went to conquer the 10 KM stretch of road circling the Hussein Sagar Lake.

Honest confession: I am in shape. Round is a shape. But I am in a shape that some people classify as "bad", though frankly, I think it may be mass hysteria.

Panting, frequent stops, motivational punch-lines and looking out for friends who had fallen behind got me through most of the race. Yes, with a smirk, I am happy (politically incorrect as I may be) to say that there were others who were unable to do as well as I was doing. That was enough to propel my screaming muscles through the initial half of the race.

Panting, even more frequent stops, more motivational punch-lines from dried mouths and parched lips, and waiting for friend who had fallen way, way, behind got me through the rest of the race. Yes, with a hungry stomach and a sense of achievement, I was happy(now, this is definitely politically correct) that I made a heroic effort at running continuously for more than just a few minutes at a stretch.

In under two hours, I finished the race, thanks mostly to my friends who cooperated with me and challenged me intermittently. The energy spent called for a hearty breakfast but the tiredness and hunger were not enough to stop us from sneaking away to watch a movie and have a little fun. Our official Hyderabad 10K run T-Shirts got us many glances from other movie-goers. Heh.

I think the effort was worth it, not necessarily for the cause that the race stood for (I, for one, believe more action is needed than citizen races to achieve what the race organizers advertised as the aim of the run.) but personally, I needed to get a push and get in a shape which people classify as not "bad". (Body shape called "superb", here I come...)

Anyways, this one experience (and the sweet body pain that lasted the whole week) was enough to ignite the fire of physical fitness + adventurous activities + "doing something new" in us.

December 6th, 2008
A market near our house
Hyderabad

Three of us are at a bicycle shop. Surprised? Well, we can't really help it if people are amazed at our abilities. Sorry, I forgot that I am a modest guy. So, we are out to purchase bicycles. Other friends tried their best to de-motivate us (as if that's possible) but we stood firm on our resolutions. We were at the threshold of a new life. A life full of energy, adventure and sheer coolness ("awesomeness" would have also sounded good here.)

So we bought three Firefox Fusions worth 8K a piece. Lightweight body, 6 gears, front shockers, no mud-guards or silly stuff like that. Yes, really, we did it. There is no need for any more explanation, right?

SPOILER ALERT!!! - Those of you reading this, who think they know the end of the story (with a smirk and words to the effect of: "Another bunch of losers who overestimate their capabilities") are in for a major anti-climax.

December 7th, 2008
8.5 miles of road
Hyderabad

3 good friends are jogging their way to the Osman Sagar Lake. 3 of us future long-distance cycling champions (it never hurts to dream big!) are in tow, spinning the peddles from our home to the famous Osman Sagar Lake at 7 in the morning.

We covered the distance in an hour (8.5 mi = 13.6 KM approx.) At the Lake, we enjoyed a good sleep on rock stones and had a hearty breakfast at a nearby resort. It felt great to be at a quiet, serene place.

The return journey was slightly more difficult (it was about mid-noon and the sun was directly above us.) But as you must have come to expect by now, we are not really fettered that easily. Okay, I was panting most of the way but that doesn't really take away any coolness. It just doesn't, okay?

Home was a sweet, sweet sight. A few slices of pizza and a scoop of ice cream, home delivered thanks to the modern day free market, and it was time for a good siesta.

I warned you pessimists, this wasn't going to end the way you thought it would end! ;)

So this is how our first adventure on our spanking new bicycles took place. Hoping for many more such events.

Road to ISB

2008-12-07T06:12:00.001-08:00

On 9th November, I was interviewed by the Indian School of Business for the Class of 2009-2010. I had applied in the first round (deadline 15th September, 2008) and was invited for an interview at 1230 hours on 9 Nov., 2008 at the ISB Campus in Hyderabad. Those interested in the questions may directly skip the next three paragraphs.

First, I'll let you know my profile: I work as a software development engineer for a dream software company and located in Hyderabad. I have been working here since May 2007 (first and only job and 18 months experience as of writing this post.) My GMAT score is 760 and my extra-curricular activities amount to what I'd call ordinary (experience as Class Representative, Placement Coordinator, worked with a couple of NGO's in different manners and a Consultant to an Educational Academy for a few months). My academic achievements are good - topper throughout including special recognition at the workplace during the job.

Before the interview, I was given the word "Apply" to write a 100-word essay on. I could go on to speculate about the intent behind this but it would suffice to say that I wrote what I'd write any day. I presented my opinion that the human race can attribute all its achievements to the "application" of new ideas, thoughts, discoveries and experiments and that we are where we are due to the application of all the knowledge we have gained.

Soon after, I was invited inside the interview room. The interview panel was composed of three people. The Senior Director of Admissions at ISB immediately started off with these words:

Q: "Siddhartha, we'll put you into a spot right away: You have an experience of only 1.5 years so far. The average number of years of industry experience for ISB students is 4 to 5 years. We think that you should wait for 3 years before applying again at ISB. How do you justify your applying here right now?"

A: Answered with a quality vs. quantity approach. I let them know the non-academic work I have done during college and some of the exceptional work I have done at my workplace when I went beyond the call of duty. To me, I said, its important to make a move for what I want rather than wait for something to happen.

Q: Reworded: Tell us about your academics, GMAT, workplace achievements.

A: Answered with data about my IIT JEE rank, admission offer from IIT, refusal of the offer to take up course of interest at IIITM Gwalior, top grades throughout college, internship selection through a national level contest, pre-placement offer, achievements at workplace, recognition received etc. And oh yeah, the GMAT score too (though it was present in the application.)

Q: Reworded: Tell us about your interests and what you like to do in your spare time.

A: Told about my interest in reading books, especially Indian non-fiction, some blogging and poetry, cars (driving and reading about cars).

Q: Why Indian non-fiction? Are you not restricting yourself from reading English author's works?

A: I am always open to reading those works; in fact, I have read several works like the ones you mention. But I am eager to know more about my own country because even though I have lived here all my life and stayed in 7 different cities, I always am amazed by the amount of diversity I see. I surely want to know more about the country I belong to. At the same time, I am interested in knowing other cultures as well. So if you give me the choice of taking up one of two books, one each by an Indian author and a non-Indian author, I will first select the work of the Indian author.

With this, the interview came to an end. I asked them two questions: In the list of schools engaged for student-exchange programs, there are some colleges I am interested in but are which not present - is there a way to start an exchange-program with these schools? Got a negative response owing to resource constraint at the school (there are already 30+ schools in their list). Another question was about doing coursework out of that prescribed in the syllabus. Got a positive response that faculty availability was the only constraint for doing any credit-worthy studies a student might want to pursue.

All in all, I left with a positive feeling at having expressed all my thoughts just the way I felt them myself. Whether I am indeed a fit or not for the ISB class of 2009-2010 is something that is best left for the ISB AdCom to judge.

UPDATE:

Received an acceptance call on 20th November. :)

Sid's Treasure: The Beautiful One!

2008-02-13T11:08:00.001-08:00

Do you meet people whom you can call beautiful? Do you get pleased after talking to someone just because he or she talked to you? Do you think everyone should be just like them?

True beauty. The one which causes you to pause and look at it. The one which forces you to think, "How can anyone be so beautiful?! (or great or awesome or wow.. whichever suits you)".

Obviously, it is not just the physical beauty. In fact, it's much more than that.

Do you know a beautiful person? I know a beautiful person. Beauty lies in all that she does.

Beauty lies in the way she talks. It lies in the way she frowns. It lies in the way she sleeps and it lies in the way she gets angry. Why, it even lies in the way she thinks!

Yes, she thinks beautifully. Pristine, innocent, pure. No hurt, no grudge, no pain for anyone. It's like the splash of clear drops of water from a mountain spring on the morning of a warm winter day. So pure that you just have to see them even as they rush away in all directions. You smile as the water drops play about you.

When she talks, sometimes I listen. Otherwise I see. The beauty in her expressions and the magic of her voice. Its pleasing just to make her speak more and more (selfish as it may be). Ever tasted honey with your ears?

I don't like to make her frown too much. That breaks the flow of words and I have to stop hearing for a little while. But it brings something beautiful in itself. Questions and queries reflect from her eyes as she struggles hard to search for the answer, like a mighty river barely held back by the choice of which path to take and raging to go ahead, even as it has to inspect all the possible ways. "What did he mean? Has he forgotten it? Why is he saying that?"

Which brings me to my own antics that (fortunately) give me a chance to take in more and more of her beauty every time I do something stupid. It's like you yourself don't care about anything you do, even if it may not be remotely grown up, as long as she's laughing on it. Sometimes you do certain things unknowingly and end up losing her touch. It's not good. I listen to her giggles, see her frown, understand her anger and feel her silence.

Yes, she gets silent. Imagine the pain for someone who is practically living on her voice when she is not with him. Multiplied because I myself have caused it. In the most saddening of ways I feel it then. What do you do when you are thrown into a dark cave from where you need to find your way out, but the darkness itself prevents you from doing anything.

But it's something that brings more than it takes away. It brings to me the remembrance of the promise I once made to her, which perhaps I have not been able to live up to. It brings to me the realization that she is hurt. It's stunning. It brings to me the craving to listen to her as soon as I can. Desperate to the point of begging silently.

She is a beautiful girl as I said, and a part of that beauty comes from her softness. Her silence is followed by the most beautiful voice I can think of. It's her. I believe it after a while. Talking to me. Melody verbalized.

I am glad to say though, that my girl does have a lot of patience. She glides through difficulties with nothing more than mere words of support. To her nothing is difficult to conquer. But I need to be with her. I know my beautiful girl is not invulnerable. She is well equipped in life but she needs a wing-man. She is whole but she is complete with me.

It's a matter of great luck to have her. She is the shining star in my life. She is worth it.

She is a woman. But she is also a child. She is intelligent. But she is sometimes silly. She is adventurous. But she is also prudent. She is dedicated. But she is mischievous at the most unexpected moments. She is artistic. But she is lazy as well. She is everything!

There are so many things I have not even mentioned here. I hope I can pen them down. Impossible as it is to express everything about her and for her, I do hope to make her read this and let others know about my angel. On Earth.

(I am wondering what look she will have in her eyes when she reads this. I want to be with her. I want to see the big eyes reflect my face. I want to see the wetness and pause it there. I want to be a part of what she thinks.)

Time to move on

2007-05-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

Guys, i hope this is not going to be another "duh, another guy who puts his personal diary entries online" blog :)

tried to put something in words down here..

Life's a journey,
Its meant to be,
That's the way it works,
Be sad or be happy.

Turns come, milestones go,
You decide, you sow,
you think and look,
Feelings swinging to and fro.

I have mixed feelings,
I see change coming,
Its not the first time,
That I'm sinking and rising.

Things are here,
I abhor and adore,
Is it easy to see,
Which matters more?

Time has come,
Change is in tow,
Have to make a move,
Life has a law.

It needs an embrace,
Must not be resisted,
I know deep inside,
That it needs to be trusted.

Wish however much,
It would be different,
Reality bites hard,
When you are resistant.

Its hard to control,
Feelings crowd the mind,
How can I let go?
The years have been a find!

The moment is here,
Truth has to be faced,
Do what you wish,
With happiness it must be laced.

Going, Leaving,
Forever or For long,
Are true and true,
Dear, but move along..

Stop it, pause it,
Get rid, give a vent,
Try, try and please try,
To live in the moment.

Don't clench,
Loosen your hold,
Let it flow,
Be bold.

Enter new territories,
Chart new ways,
You can do so only if,
Happiness pervades.

(pause for a second)

Fear, Sadness,
Nostalgia, Tears,
Are part of you,
and always found near.

Its important,
That you don't fight,
tears or yourself,
Its not right.

Don't subdue,
Kill or suffocate,
They ought to see light,
And then, they will create.

Arm yourself,
You are going to win,
Inspite of everything,
You can overcome that chagrin.

Be happy and hope,
For all new things,
New vistas, feelings,
and the new happenings.

After all, it will form,
A new period and time,
Of Life, Love,
And perhaps an innocent crime! :-)

Just for you...

2006-02-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

No one can have the moon, no one can have the sky,
Few people get it, no matter how hard they try,
But I consider myself lucky, because I have you,
A soul so pure, a heart so true.

I cannot imagine anyone paining you,
Your sadness would be mine too,
I just hope that you are happy every day,
As your smile never fails to make my day.

I cannot not tell you the things I feel,
What I tell you is absolutely real,
Giving you happiness is the best thing there is,
Because purer than a child's, that’s how your heart is.

Please never be sad and never feel that you're alone,
Just key in my number and use your phone,
When you are not with me, your presence I really miss,
Whatever happens, I'll be there to blow away your troubles with a kiss.

Mind over heart

2006-01-22T13:48:00.000-08:00

Mind over heart

We often joke that God has made this world unfair. Either the girl/boy you are after doesn't like you, or you don't like the girl/boy who is after you. (Just choose the appropriate gender)... it is not entirely untrue. More than that, it is a general notion that men are bad, rather pathetic, at showing/observing/understanding emotions. 'Emotionless' as some would say, simply because there happens to exist another gender of the human species, called a 'female', which likes to breakdown at every available opportunity or show off how strong its vocal cords are at the most inopportune of times.

Sadly (happily, to be honest), men are left far behind when it comes to aggrandizing their emotions (of course, not deliberately). They'd rather be themselves and not create any hue and cry over trifles. Or maybe, they can't create any, thanks to their genetic makeup.

But disregarding the fact that men are as bad at remembering useless pieces of information, such as, first date or birthdays, or anniversaries, or places, or small gifts, or... etc. etc. as women are good at it, one fact clearly stands out. Its that women are definitely big emotional fools.

Now, now, don't run after me with discrimination lawsuits. Men are bigger fools, if anything. But thats not their fault. You could call Antarctica the top of the Earth or its bottom, it doesn't matter. I could call women more emotionally mature than men, if you want me to be politically correct. It has been my strange (obvious?) observation, that while men are desirous of trying to express themselves nicely, (a deliberate effort towards which is required only when they are in front of women), the female of the species doesn't even have to try.

While women have the capability of expressing their emotions perfectly well and in a totally controlled fashion, such an ability is actually required more by men. Why? in the extreme case, to carry on the cycle of life, if I may go to the extent of saying that, and in the mildest form, simply to connect better to the opposite sex.

Why, I've seen females who are unable to understand other peoples' emotions (even when its practically announcing itself), who cannot makeout any sort of indications from another guy, and I am not saying subtle ones, and who are all but unable to even consciously generate strong emotions.

Yeah, sure, I've just seen a fraction of humanity, lived for a small no. of years till now, and am a self confessed failure when it comes to showing/observing/understanding emotions. But I can't really reject things I see, can I?

Maybe its for some female to open up my eyes. Show me what other females do, emotionally speaking. Or maybe, its upto me to teach someone a thing or two about it.

Make up or live out?

2006-01-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

Make up or live out?

I recently turned 21. Whoa! Sounds like I am pretty grown up, does it not? 21 years is quite an age… its three years into adulthood, an age which turns boys into men, an age at which one can marry and take up responsibility… of his soul mate and his family… maybe even start one. I know a guy heading a rs. 6000 crore business who is younger than I am. I’ve heard about men who have made it big into life before they’ve turned 21… or even 20. A lot of careers have taken shape before teenage has gotten over.

People who are 21 are thought of as mature. At the very least, they are expected to be confident of themselves; of being comfortable with their identities; being somewhat aware of their abilities and limits.

I find that I am still looking out for most of these. I think I’ve yet to do so many things, live out so many fantasies… get to know more people and get to know many people better, understand them… build up my principles when it comes to dealing with them.

I think I should’ve turned 21 later… somehow freeze time and do all the things. Not that it is an ‘old’ age. Nor is this a feeling of ‘having missed out’ as people who grow old feel. I think an age of 21 deserves more things to have been done before its arrival.

When I come to it, really… 21?! So soon? I still feel like a kid… With no real wisdom, living each day as it comes, completely absenting any plans from my life whatsoever, getting intimidated so damn easily, going gaga over frivolous things and getting overexcited over nothings at all really.

To be honest, I like it. Actually, I love it... I cherish this kid. Deep down inside, I know that I don’t want to grow up. Doesn’t real fun in life lie in being free, without boundaries, without concerns? Is their a better way to live… one that can be as enjoyable as a kid’s life?

Sometimes I feel that I should be more ‘rough-n-tough’, be more responsible and be able to take care of not just myself but also others who may need it. Yeah, nothing is wrong with that. But frankly, instead of just appearing rough and tough, I’d rather let myself become one with time. I hate to put up false appearances and hate those who put up one. I am the youngest one at home… in fact, youngest within my whole extended family, cushioned and kept in relative comfort of having nothing to look after. I’d like to change that, but that’s not top priority.

One ought to make up for things, but continue to look out for new ones. Confidence on one’s ability to tackle anything in life powers ambitions and fuels successes. It also gives you the power to get over defeats. Let’s go for that then. 21 or no 21, it’s only a statistic of age. What if one never really grows up? Keep the kid’s heart alive? Nurture that child in some hidden lobe of the brain? Sounds good to me!

Googl-y

2005-10-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

Google and Sun team up

Google bidding to provide free Internet access in San Francisco

that Google has been making plans of buying unused fiber optic cables all over USA

Google recently bought an undisclosed stake in a Maryland startup, the Current Communications Group, which is trying to provide high-speed connections through power lines.

Google launched an effort to create digital libraries

Google unveils Instant Messenger cum Internet Telephony software

Google confirms development of online payment system

And finally,

The company has nearly $7.1 billion in cash, having just raised $4.17 billion in stock offering completed last month. That stock sale prompted several industry analysts to conclude Google might be preparing to build its own high-speed Internet network.

So, what is Google up to? It is spreading its arms and legs in a lot of directions. In fact, most of them are uncharted territories, where Google hopes to gain ground before anyone else does.

With all these new initiatives and a plan to build a million square feet complex a few miles from its existing headquarters, and plans to avail the services of NASA scientists, Google may be in the right position to challenge Microsoft as the dominant player in the PC market.

Its objectives though, remain obscure. Its not clear whether it is simply exploring different market segments, or is it pursuing a grand vision that no one outside the company knows.

Quote from a recent news article:
“Skeptics argue that Google could become the 21st century Icarus… a high flying company, brought down by its own weight.”

Google is ultimately, one the few companies with the potential and resources to dethrone Microsoft from its place. With Sun, it has already agreed to bolster the relations. And the potential of OpenOffice cannot be overestimated. In the search engine wars, it was already the king, and now it must be looking at content distribution services as well… on the lines of MSNBC or even an online music store like iTunes.

Its going to be an interesting ride for this 7-year-old startup worth an estimated $80 billion.

Following your dreams

2005-10-01T01:21:00.000-07:00

Two books have lately been a rage on the Best-seller lists across the world. “The monk who sold his Ferrari” and “the Alchemist”. Both are about living out one’s dreams… steering one’s life towards his of her desires, his or her passions.

Both have been beautifully written, with the Alchemist being the more readable of the two, I think. The other one discusses ways to achieve a better life through techniques like meditation. But essentially, they both are about following one’s dreams.

Though I agree that this is a true way to live out one’s life happily and convert any ‘job’ into fun and play, the reality is few people are able to do it. Why, one is forced to ask. Why is it, that most people in the world do not follow their dreams and passions? Why do they take up jobs that they don’t really feel like doing, and do it just to earn money? Why is a job, just that… a job? Is money the all important thing in life? Can’t one make a livelihood by doing what he/she really likes?

The answers are a bit complicated. And so are the presumptions on which these questions are based. The society, traditions, beliefs and to some extent, rules and regulations are responsible for the zombie-like attitude of the majority of humans, which is, to follow what others are doing… to see and emulate… to take up jobs of doctors, engineers or whatever that can give them good money. And they live out their lives without fulfilling either their passions or following their dreams.

We should immediately subtract the vast number of poor people in the world from the group of people we think should be following their dreams. Barring a few who really do it, out sheer will power and strength of character, earning 2 meals a day is the primary concern for the rest. Survival, that is, is the primary concern for them. How then, can they be expected to follow their dreams, when they are not sure of their next meal?

The idea, therefore, of following one’s dreams is restricted to the rich and the affluent. Yes, to some extent, lack of resources is overcome by sheer willingness to do something, but in general, no, there isn’t a success-story for everyone.

Those who can follow their dreams, should bless their stars, that they are at least capable of doing so. All that is needed then, is the will, the passion and the dream.

Relatively Convenient

2005-09-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

I have often wondered, what is the perception of the people regarding ‘convenience’. What do they think is ‘ease’? In my experience, there is nothing that can be called absolutely, as “convenience”. When people think they have found an easier way of doing some routine job, they may use the adjective “convenient” for it. And what they derive out of it is, well, convenience.

But for the modern day human, who is blessed with the power of science and technology, there always seems to be a scope for more and more convenience. What may have been convenient a couple of years ago, may seem highly inconvenient now. What was the solution of a problem some time ago, may itself seem to justify another solution for itself… albeit some time later.

Convenience, and to some extent, ease are relative terms. They are dependent on inconvenience and difficulty for their very existence. Convenience is nothing but the absence of inconvenience. And so is ease… it’s the lack of difficulty.

For a paraplegic, not being able to get around is inconvenience. But having a wheel chair for movement is convenience. If their hadn’t been any inconvenience, no question of convenience would ever arise!

In any situation, when people think there is inconvenience, they should try to remember the fact, that it is their mind, which is making the situation inconvenient. For an affluent person, not being able to use his car and being forced to use the public transport is highly inconvenient. But using the same public transport will be a highly convenient proposition for a poor person, who cannot afford his own means of transport to move around.

It finally boils down to a mental game. It’s the mind that makes or breaks the situation for a person… a true fighter is one who can train his mind to ignore the perceived inconveniences, to forget that the situation could be easier, to drop the idea that he or she should have more convenience… that he or she deserved more ‘convenience’ or ease.

Only when realizes, that inconvenience is the absence of convenience and nothing else… that the job is not impossible even though it might be inconvenient. And the thought of impossibility looms large mainly because of that 1.4 kg of pinkish matter up there.

Timeout

2005-09-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

Living inside my home for the past 18 odd days really seems to have drowned my energy levels. I somehow have managed not to go out for days at a stretch without so much as giving a thought to it. Sure, with this damned jaundice, I have to take rest, but how long can a person really live inside his home, without venturing outside? I think I can answer that confidently, the next time I go out.

When it comes to idling and whiling away by oneself, I think I am a born champion. Just give me a TV with cable connection, and I can live comfortably for days on end. Add a 24 hour net connection and maybe a book, and it gets all the more easier.

When I go to sleep in the night, I think about the day’s achievements and accomplishments. All I draw is a blank. Of course, its not that I think this way when I am in the college, but being at home and having everyone look after me, when I can jump around and do anything I want, except going out, really compels me to think back and analyze the day.

It’s a bad habit, and I know that. I don’t do this normally… its just the atmosphere that’s causing me to introspect and over-analyze. There is still a lot of time left for a complete recovery. I don’t know how many weeks I may have to stay at home… its boring me to death. I need a change!!

And the classes missed and assignments not submitted is an issue I will deal with later. No use being tense about it now… the backlog will still remain the same.

Anniversary of the Iron Leg

2005-09-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Almost after one year of the mishap that forced me to stay away from my college for many months, here I am, once again, away from all studies and classes (Yipeee!). But this time, its nothing as serious: a bout of Jaundice. Can't say how or where I managed to get it; must have been hostel water, what else!

Its been one year since I had the accident, riding my bike, on 18th September last year and which forced me to undergo two operations, the second one being the product of the dreaded Scar tissue. The accident hurt my right knee, causing the AC ligament (the center most ligament and consequently, the innermost out of the 12 ligaments that the knee has) to detach from the lower end... from the Tibia, the thick bone below the knee upto the ankle.

The injury was not apparent for a few days... local doctors thought that it was a bone fracture. An MRI showed that the problem was much serious, requiring an operation as soon as possible. I was pretty jovial upto that time, because I had absolutely no knowledge of the seriousness.

Off we went to Delhi to have it fixed. An operation was conducted on 25th September, after a week of the injury, at AIIMS. The surgeons first did an Arthroscopy, using small tubes to look inside and try to fix it without opening the knee. But it wasnt possible to do so. So they decided to open the knee... as in opening it completely to reveal everything inside. And I was awake all the time!! Only my leg was anaesthetized... I was even asked whether I wanted to see the operation on the TV screen next to me!! I refused politely, and went to sleep for the two hour process.

After opening the knee, it was akin to a carpenter's job to fix the ligament back to its position. The docs took a piece of fibre, like a thick string, wound it around the lower end of the ligament, put the ligament in place and took string a few millimeters below, and tied it to a screw drilled into the bone. They then sew up the skin, with metal staples, put a plaster cast around the whole knee, upto the thigh and ankle. That was it... their job was done, and I was wheeled into an observation room.

After that it was a painful time. It felt as if someone had gripped my leg with an extremely tight grip. Even though I managed to pass that time with painkillers, I can still recall the time... sheesh!

I remained in the hospital for the next 15 days, suffering endless hours of boredom, broken only by visits of my cousins, nieces, nephews (yes, I had neices and nephews at an age of 4!!) and other near and dear ones. It was a time of daily improvisation in exercises of bathroom visits and daily ablutions! With the long plaster cast, it was difficult to move about and I could not put any pressure on the right leg. So after some days of experimentation and frustration, me and my parents finally had a smooth set of steps to take me to the bathroom!

2 days before getting discharged, the plaster was cut, and staples removed. My knee didnt bend at all at that time, sending sharp pain up and down the whole leg the instant I tried to bend it. In the doctors opinion, it would be okay with time... and they asked me to exercise the knee as much as possible. I didn't know how much was "as much as possible". Within 2-3 days, I 35 degree bends were possible from the straight position.

The next month was spent in physiotherapy visits, where the physio would try and bend my knee using her own strength. Initially, I gained about 4-5 degrees of motion a week, enough by their standards. I was not concerned, for they were not either.

But it was in late December that the trouble started... my knee refused to go beyond 90 degrees. My leg would go straight (not even completely straight) and then bend only half way, not an iota more. I came to know from the doctors and physio, that it was the result of "scar tissue", the tissue that forms when the body recovers from a trauma. In this case, the trauma was the surgery... the opening of the knee. The scar tissue is a living piece of tissue, supplied with blood as all tissues are, with the only problem that it is not flexible. And with the scar tissue bang in the middle of the knee, it meant the knee became inflexible.

By this time I had come home for the new year. So, in the first weeks of 2005, we again went to Delhi.

I cannot remember a time in my life, as worse as that month of January. In order to bend my knee more, I was subjected to what easily qualifies as 'torture'. The next few lines are not for the weak-minded. The physio originally treating me, took me to a new room in the hospital, where I was literally tied down at the waist, with roped attached to the ankle of my right leg, going over a bar above the bed, and tied to another bar at the side. The doc would tighten the rope to the extent I could bear... which was the 90 degree bend of my knee. Then she would tighten it more. Just 5 degrees she would say, and leave it fixed that position. The pain would become unbearable enough for me to cry out loud in that room filled with other people. Just a few minutes, the doctor would say, and go away while I was crying and crying, not able to move to ease the pain. The process was repeated every second day for a month.

What was also repeated everyday of that month was the visit to another physio, who was known to parents for many years. There I was forced to try and sit on my haunches, the way Muslims pray. Again, the pain would be unbearable, but I was forced... threatened even, that I would be pulled down if I dont sit. Understanding that it was for my own good, I tried to comply. But simply couldn't.

The crying went on for a month, either at the new physio's place or at the hospital. But I can remember waking up everyday, and going into depression immeditately at the thought of what lay ahead that day. Only my mom was with me at the time, and I can't imagine what she must have gone through, watching me like that everyday.

Finally, when February started, without any improvement in the movement, the doctors suggested another operation. This time, to break the scar tissue, and not immobilze the knee for even a day. Since the bone and ligament had healed normally, movement wsa possible without fear of damaging anything.

So the operation was scheduled and I was wheeled again into the Operation Theatre. With my parents and lots of my relatives waiting outside, I was anaesthesized completely this time. When I woke up, there was news waiting for me. This operation had gone on for more than 5 hours!! I was the first one to be taken inside and the last one to come out. My parents told me later that they had been worried sick.

The doctors told me that they had never seen so much scar tissue inside. In fact, when they put there scopes inside, (i.e., Arthroscopy) they were literally lost!! It was the fibre and screw they had put in earlier that had enabled them to know their exact position. When they set about to cut the scar tissue, their instruments failed to cut it! In the middle of the operation, they got a new instrument worth 15000 rupees. Using this laser equipped instrument, they were able to cut away the scar tissue. In the process, the instrument was 'used up'... it could not be used again after my operation was over.

The exercises started the very next day. The doctors told me that they had cut away the tissue to give almost complete Range of Movement to my knee. As time would pass, scar tissue will form again, unless I kept moving my knee in order to prevent it from getting jammed again.

It was easier said than done. I did the exercises religiously for the next 16 days I was in the hospital. With some help from others and some techniques to enable bending with lesser pain I was doing exactly what I was told to do.

Cut to the next few weeks... I came home, still doing bending exercises 3-4 times a day. Each session lasting 30 to 45 minutes. 30-45 minutes of fighting and struggling with my own leg. To prevent it from jamming again. Sometimes the pain would increase and I would cry. T other times the knee would comply and it would be easier to bend it.

My parents had fixed up a physio to come everyday and help with the exercises. The guy had helped me earlier also, before the 2nd operation, but my knee did not oblige then. This time though, since I had been exercising and there was no immobilization, it was easier to bend it.

Slowly but steadily, the range came with less and less effort. What took 45 minutes earlier started to take 20-25 minutes now. Even though the best I could do was touch my hip with the ankle.... thats just a couple of degrees less than normal. So it wasnt much of an issue. But the straightening still left some desirable degrees. Another complexity was that some fluid had started to build up in the knee. Upon showing it to a renowned knee surgeon in Mumbai, where my parents shifted recently, he promptly asked me to have it operated upon by him, wherein, he planned to wash the knee and maybe even remove the screw, since it could be irritating the knee. I promptly refused... I was in no mood to cater to the whims of a doctor who wants me to undergo another operation at a day's notice. Maybe he was right, but I simply would have none of the hospital stuff again... I hoped the swelling would go on its own.

Now, after one year, I dont have to do the exercises that way anymore. Bending the leg completely hardly takes a few minutes of effort... and the normal range, without exercising, under the power of the leg's own muscles is just a few degrees short of normal... nothing that troubles me even a bit... no problem now sitting in a cramped car or any place with low legroom etc. The bending part is quite good... sitting crossed leg is also no problem. And the swelling that arose due to the fluid is also gone now, thank god!

The straightening part is not as good as I would have liked it to be. The normal leg undergoes hyper-extension. That is, the normal knee goes beyond being merely straight. It actually makes an obtuse abgle (more than 180 degrees) when the leg is fully stretched out. My knee doesnt do that to the normal extent. Though standing and running are no problems at all, but sometimes, when I am lying on my back, the lack of that extra couple of degrees nags me. I try to straighten it more, achieve it sometimes, but mostly shrug it off and go to sleep in another position.

Thank god that I can do everything normally now. No one who knows about my accident says that any sign of a problem is there... though it becomes a bit apparent once in a while, but I can live with that. And others, who have no idea of what I went through or what my knee underwent, dont even think that there is something wrong with my stride, my walk or my running. The steel screw is still there inside. Some people say that I should have it removed. But the doctor who did both the operations said that unless it causes a problem, why fiddle with it? So as of now, no plans to visit the hospital again!! Touchwood!

I thank God that he's enabled me to recover fully. A little bit of itsy-bitsy issues dont really bother me, because it just doesnt matter.

I think when I look back now, that I have learnt some valuable lessons, and I have learnt a few things about human psyche and human perception and attitudes, which is the positive side of the whole affair!

Now I am not riding a bike anymore. Dad has given me his car to keep in the hostel and use it. (Muhahaha!). Sold my bike some months ago for a decent sum. But once in a while the urge to ride a bike becomes strong. So I take a friends bike and ride it for a couple of minutes... thats it! No more for me!! This aversion is also due to that fact, that the doc warned me that another injury like this could be more complicated and mean more trouble! So theres that... no more bikes for me.